Response to Classmates Journal

Classmate Response

Kay Lowry  Free Entry Week 4

The reworking of this writing added so much detail!  I am amazed at the clear picture I have received while reading this piece.  The writer has obviously spent a great deal of effort to allow the reader to not only view the situation but receive an insight into the people we are reading about. 

I especially like the comparison of the television program to watching the boyfriend play the video games.  It is an extra touch that brings the piece together because the focus on the stripes on the couch as the central theme is clear because of the choices actually presented. 

While reading the piece over several times, some areas could be reduces without losing the touch of creative words.  The two sentences describing the actually playing of the video game became a little lengthy because I wanted to hear more about the main character’s feelings. 

I also have a desire to know what the character plans to do about this boring relationship.   I love the insert about the gas which means thought is being put into what the relationship is costing.  This is a great abstraction to show cost and you can feel the depth by these words.  Also, “this time I can’t seem to sit still” is another great example of showing some sort of finale or relationship changing event is on the horizon. 

The writer used great creativity in describing this situation.  I enjoyed the rereading.

Classmate Response

Super Long Free Entry

I read this piece not entirely expecting what I received.  Even though the writer has placed a high amount of emotion on the tone thermometer, I feel the relevance to the overall success of the piece is dependent on that depth of emotion. 

The writer has done an excellent job of combining the cooking of the father’s dish to weave into the story of her brother.  Using the actions of cooking the eggplant as an excellent allegory of the abuse of the brother.   But I want to know more background to be able to understand the hatred, if one may call it that, of the father to the brother.  The writer may want the reader to wonder about this and be a piece of the story the reader must work out for themselves, however,  while I understand the father has issues, I want to know more about the brother.

The strategy used by the writer of incorporating cooking the eggplant as a façade to the telling of a childhood story shows a creative style of writing that I feel is awesome.  It takes a great deal of concentrated effort to stay on track and present a well written story that is actually two stories in one and present in a way that is absolutely clear to the reader.  This piece does so admirably.  I particularly was impressed with how this writer managed to present a father that appeared to have a just relationship with his daughter but presented as a monster to the brother.  That is why I question the lack of details concerning the background of the family.  Also, where is the mother during these trials and why is the story not telling of her involvement?  The writer may deem this character as useless to the point and I accept, however, I became so involved, I want details.   If sirens and hospital stays are a part of the story, shouldn’t the mother have to answer for this?  The imagery of this occurrence is well presented, however, not how or why.  The connotations are endless in this perception and I ask if the writer purposefully leads the reader to this point.

As with most short stories, a reader can cross out irrelevant bits and pieces of another’s story but in the case of this story, I feel it is not fair to implicate excessive writing.  The story appears to move down the page with relevance and leave the reader begging for more. 

Classmate Response

Daniel Jackson Week #7

The symbolism and similes throughout this writing blew me away!  I had to read, reread and reread to be able to put everything in perspective.  The creativeness that comes out in this is fantastic, however, the normal reader, as I consider myself, will struggle. 

What is your idea or focus?  Why are you experimenting with the particulars of grammer and body parts?  Is there an underlying emotion, theme or layer of tone the reader may pass over without realizing it? 

The writer uses a great deal of creative imagery but forces the reader to create a mental development that may or may not match what is put on paper.  I understand progression but feel I am just on the verge of a revelation about this writing but am wavering to make the fall.  As a reader that ultimately looks and works for a purpose, I may not be the best one to analyze this writing, however, I do know creative word use when I see it and this is amazing.  The style is fresh and very modern and a great read for the imaginative reader.

This writing also has a rhythm to it and the author was very creative in reflecting this style through figurative language.  The language is just popping all over the place like mini explosions that makes one want to rush to the next line to see what happens next.  However, it does take an innovative reader to appreciate the complexity of the writing.

Classmate Response